16 years of parenting
It’s the eve of my first child’s 16th birthday. I can’t help but feel halted in my forward-going tracks by the magnitude of the thought: 16 years of parenting, 16 years of living life with her, 16 years of discovering who she would become, and surprisingly, 16 years of discovering who I would become. Wow. What a moment to behold.
My heart wanders through jumbled visions of the different moments we’ve shared together. I see moments with her as a healthy, vibrant, energetic baby, moments with her as a young, inquisitive, lively, free-spirited child, and moments with her as an independent, powerful, creative young adult. Though they span over 16 years, each moment feels equally special and important. My heart smiles and aches a bit at the same time as I sort through these memories and feel the passage of time.
In our early years, we were like two intertwined vines, drawing strength from one another and weaving together as one. Looking back, I’m not sure either of us knew we could exist without the other. However, as time went on, those vines began to loosen just enough to allow each of us to find our own space while still remaining connected. Each vine now had its own definition, gaining strength through independence. Now, as I reflect on the journey ahead, I find myself overcome with emotion. I know that in the years to come, we will grow into two completely separate vines, each pursuing our own path and destiny.
On the eve of completing 16 years together, I sit and remember it all—moments of utter joy when she was young, watching her discover her world with curiosity and excitement, to moments of complete and utter angst watching her discover herself and measuring how she stacked up against that very world she had discovered when she was young. In each of these moments, I recognize the delicate yet necessary balance of the joy, angst, and all the rest.
While my parenting journey doesn’t fully define me, I now see how it has played a significant role in the magical quest back to my true self. Over these 16 years, I’ve faced the usual challenges, trials, tribulations, tears, contentment, and joys of parenting. These same 16 years have also served as an unexpected catalyst, pushing, stretching, and forcing me to explore who I am beyond the role of being a parent. Just as her vine has gained definition, independence, direction, and strength over the years, so too has mine. While there were times when I felt lost as a parent and didn’t know who I was, I now see how those moments have ultimately shaped me into who I am today.
For 16 years, I believed that I was the one assisting, supporting, and guiding her through a transformation that led her to become the incredibly smart, creative, and extraordinary person she is today. Yet, I’ve come to realize that she was doing the same for me all along.
I do not want to dwell in the past, but today I want to linger in those jumbled moments and memories of my firstborn with pure, unbridled joy.
Happy birthday to my sweet Peanut—my inspiration, my joy, and, most importantly, my unexpected teacher.
A special thank you to Auntie Rachel for capturing so many special moments of our lives with your extraordinary photography.
Hi, I’m Sara Rose.
Explore my blog to uncover the extraordinary transformations hidden in everyday moments.
